Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
