I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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