My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
