I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
