Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
