He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
