I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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