I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
