I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
