get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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