I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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