I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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