You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i think i just lost a toe
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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