I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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