Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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