tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
