Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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