is your mom at the bar?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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