So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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