every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
