I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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