Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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