yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
