i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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