she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
