You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
