everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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