If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
