When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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