i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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