Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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