i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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