O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
