Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
