Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
