bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
