If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
