plz talk dirty to me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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