Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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