did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
