before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
