haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
