I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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