so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
