They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
