Just mADE A PArabola og urine
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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