i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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