What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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