He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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