I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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