Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
