literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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