I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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