my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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