why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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