I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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