Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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