I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
