i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
