I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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