You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
