We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
