my sisters under your porch take her home
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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