We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
