But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we're blogging at a bar
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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