eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
