Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
