She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
