If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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