lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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