I wish I could punch you in the face.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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