I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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