I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
