I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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